I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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