its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
