I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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