So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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