You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
