i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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