I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
