I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
