Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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