I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
