Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
