You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
