Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
