I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
