I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
