I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize