I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
