Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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