his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
