I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
