my phone needs a breathalizer
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
