Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
