i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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