I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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