His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
