No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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