She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
