But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So. Much. Porn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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