if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I pour the whiskey from now on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
