i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
