I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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