awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
