uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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