I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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