idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
