I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
