Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
