just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize