Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My balls are so social today.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just pee around me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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