i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
