I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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