I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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