It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
