I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
