u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
