if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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