He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
