I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
