We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
