So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im six kinds of drunk right now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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