I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
