You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
