I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
