paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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