then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
