When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
