you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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