you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
