She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
