also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
