She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
