4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
