If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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