Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
