My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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