My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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